Category: Client Stories

Listen to Christina’s Client Story:

When Christina, a world traveler and well-versed personal development enthusiast, began working with me, she felt “like a victim” of her emotions and moods, and doubted whether she could experience lasting happiness. In her search for understanding and relief, she tried therapists but had grown tired of the traditional approaches she encountered.

“I had kind of given up on therapists years before. Every time I had a therapist, there was a lot of work to fit my story into their model. I didn’t really feel heard. I often feel like every model somebody has set up, I don’t quite fit into.”

Christina immediately felt excited when our first session together began on a fresh note: “The very first thing you said to me after introducing yourself was, ‘Where do you want to start? What’s alive in you now?’ and that was very impactful for me, to be met right in the moment.”

“Rather than trying to figure out what’s wrong with me, which has been my framework for my whole life; what’s wrong with me and how do I go about fixing it; there was automatically an assumption that nothing is inherently wrong with me. So much of the work has been about unlearning that… By the end of our conversations, I always feel more connected to myself.”

“In the first four and a half years of working together, I felt like my mind got blown open all the time. I had a completely new way of seeing things. When you go from having a ‘what’s wrong with me’ problem-focus to a ‘how to be satisfied and find desire’ focus…there’s going to be a lot of surprises along the way.”

Christina started working with me in 2018 and returns periodically for a few months at a time. I remember the day that I got a sudden insight so strongly in our session, and I blurted it out right then and there: “You know, we’re spending a lot of time trying to fix or understand something that is wrong… What if there’s nothing wrong? What if you were able to really just be who you are in any moment, no matter what, and let that be good?”

Obviously I don’t just blurt out the first thing that comes to mind every time, but in this case I’m glad I did. The timing was right, there was deep resonance in the moment, and it forever changed the course of our work together, and honestly, of my work in general. It was a turning point for me, and it marked the period where I stopped encouraging clients to focus on their hurt or dis-satisfaction or doubt, and started pointing them toward better feeling perspectives and unconditional well-being. I began to see my role differently, and most of my clients were happy for the change.

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Listen to Kelly’s Client Story:

Kelly, a high-energy tech start-up professional, describes how our sessions helped her understand what Self-alignment really is, and how I provide the right kind of guidance to help her practice embodying Self-alignment more consistently in her life, professionally and personally.

“It’s why I keep speaking with you every week, because I feel like there are endless opportunities to practice that Self-aligned, expansive feeling. You and I have an understanding of how I get back into Self-alignment. You’ve helped me develop it and you can actually help me do that in real-time when I bring you a topic. It’s helpful to speak with you on a regular basis so that I have that coach or supportive person there to help me do it.”

Listen to Kelly’s Dialogue with Justice: The Limits of Growth Through Suffering Vs. The Infinite Potential of Growth Through Feeling Good:

In our dialogue, Kelly says that the biggest “surprise” in working together was how, unlike in the conventional therapies she’d tried, we did not spend time digging into trauma or unwanted past experiences as a way for her to achieve release or a sense of personal growth.

Directly experiencing her ability to move into a more Self-aligned, relaxed, joyful, and stable state, at will, became the “proof point” that we didn’t have to revisit, process, integrate, or even understand unwanted experiences, past or present, in order to be “free” of them emotionally. Instead, she discovered that unconditional well-being, clarity, and growth are a natural outcome of focusing on her desires and embodying states of being that feel good.

“I wanted to be softer, more positive, more loving, more present, more excited, and in wonder of the future and possibilities. But I had to find the right person to work with, to guide me, who recognized that this is where I wanted to go and who wouldn’t let me backslide to focusing on trauma and negativity.

My initial growth was through suffering, but that’s not the only way to find growth and expansion. There’s actually a bigger pool available, an infinite pool of feeling good and feeling satisfaction, through finding and just doing more of the things that keep me in Self-alignment. It’s a big shift for me.

I do appreciate that a suffering experience introduced me to inner world work, personal development, coaching and therapy – I really love doing my own growth work! But I realized I didn’t have to do that through suffering only. My gravity towards suffering and wanting to help people who suffer… our work has helped me understand that this is totally fine, but feeling good because feeling good is its own reward is also a very good thing to champion as a way to experience growth as well.”

We conclude by sharing our personal discoveries that, while there are limits to one’s ability or tolerance for growth through suffering, “there’s no ceiling” on the capacity for self expansion through joy because it feels good. As Kelly says, “Just even knowing that makes me feel good.”

Kelly and I enjoyed weekly coaching calls for two and a half years, and it was very satisfying for me to witness and support her as she came to trust her heart’s desire in every regard, and to know her essential Self more and more intimately.

Our work together helped teach me and remind me that every single topic that anyone brings to a session is workable, and always benefits from the willingness to “drop the story”, change focus, and shift into that grounded, self-connected, self-aligned place of clarity, confidence, and ease.

With Kelly, I was able to see how someone could quickly develop the ability to shift states emotionally, mentally, and somatically in order to create a better feeling present-moment experience that simultaneously creates clarity, peace, and optimism for moving forward.

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Listen to Patrick’s Client Story:

Patrick, a trekker, traveler, and teacher, originally hired me to help him find clarity about a specific romantic relationship, but ended up uncovering a game-changing insight about the true nature of clarity that he is now able to apply to everything in life.

In our recorded dialogue, Patrick explains his discovery about the nature of clarity, and the two of us discuss the surprising revelation that clarity is more of a “feeling’” thing than a “thinking” thing. Hear how these new embodied perspectives helped Patrick undo long-standing patterns of self doubt and overthinking, and propelled him into the next level of self-trust, and on to a new stage of clearer, easier decision making.

“It was really helpful to learn about this distinction between clarity and understanding, and that when I’m really clear on something, it’s at the intuitive level or body knowing or sensing level, or even the emotional level. Then my need to frame things or label things or categorize things with words, and understand exactly what was happening with a particular relationship… that was different than my real lightning bolt knowing about something.”

Patrick hired me for a short series of sessions, and he was able to get exactly what he came for, albeit not quite in the way he expected, which is not unusual.

Interestingly, when he first described his predicament and confusion, within minutes of our first session, I could immediately feel his clarity about the topic, but I noticed that he didn’t entirely trust the feeling of clarity. Instead, he wanted to justify or rationalize what he already knew in his heart and in his gut. I encounter this often in my sessions with clients.

As an experienced meditator and meditation teacher, Patrick is skillful in his self-observation and is flexible in his thinking, able to try out different perspectives. When I pointed out that he actually seemed to be quite clear about what he wanted, but that he was having a hard time justifying what he wanted, he quickly recognized this to be true.

When I encouraged Patrick to let his emotional clarity be enough, and to stop burdening himself with the need to justify himself, he responded quickly and favorably. Many of my clients respond similarly; when I offer them a better-feeling, easier, and faster way of getting what they want, they take it.

I really enjoyed the way I was able to develop quick rapport with Patrick, and how he gave me such a powerful example of the difference between visceral, embodied clarity (knowing what you want), and the mental gymnastics that we sometimes put ourselves through as we attempt to justify, understand, or explain why.

Most people who seek professional help to find clarity about something in particular expect to hunker down and dig into it. But as I explain in our dialogue: “The problem and the solution don’t lie in the same place. That’s why I try to move people into a state of clarity more generally, so that from a state of more general clarity, when they look back at the problem, they’re looking at it from a perspective of embodied clarity, and it looks different.” From that embodied place of clarity, you can cleanly and easily choose the action that is Self-aligned. Patrick concludes, “Clarity is my friend when it comes to doing what’s right for me.”

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Learn more: www.JusticeSchanfarber.com

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John wanted to see his grandson more. He had been stewing on this for months, trying to decide how to convince his daughter to allow him more time with this child that he loved and enjoyed so much.

I’d been working with John for a couple years, so I knew something about his background, and I also knew where he was headed in his leading edge of personal growth. He knew what kind of person he wanted to be, and he was succeeding in becoming that person.

Like many men of his generation, John was taught that his feelings didn’t matter much, and throughout his life he had been quick to anger. He was accustomed to using anger to get his way, although he had discovered that this was becoming less and less satisfying.

John had recently decided that he cared about how he felt. He wanted to feel good, and he was starting to assess himself on that criteria. He observed his own patterns of thought and feeling and behavior to see which ones were in alignment with his desire to feel good, and which ones were out of alignment with his desire to feel good. He put his discoveries to quick use, determinedly re-shaping every facet of himself to be in alignment with the clarity he had discovered: He cared about how he felt, and he wanted to feel good.

Everything was assessed on this basis… Does it feel good? Will it feel good?

He knew it did not feel good to be seeing his grandson this infrequently, and he was gearing up to give his daughter a piece of his mind.

“I’m pissed off” was his opening remark as we started our weekly session. As we continued, I guided John in his practice of assessing his self-alignment.

Was it feeling good to be angry with daughter? Nope.

Was calling her up and telling her off likely to feel good? Also no.

What would feel good?

“Seeing my grandson more.”

I invited John to focus on that, and I asked him to tell me about what he liked about spending time with his grandson. As John described the joy he felt with his grandson, I felt his anger quickly melt. I could feel joy and love become the dominant emotions in him as he was speaking.

“There, bring that to your conversation with your daughter,” I told him, “That right there, that feeling of joy and love… get connected to that, and THEN phone her. Get connected to what you want, activate those good feelings, get solidly embodied in those feelings, and then have the conversation that you really want to have.”

John got what I was saying. He phoned his daughter that week, told her how much he loved spending time with his grandson, and asked if he could have more time with his grandson. She responded with an enthusiastic and resounding “Yes!”

That was a couple years ago now, and I’ve enjoyed hearing stories nearly every week about the fun things those two get up to. Their relationship has blossomed, and so has the relationship with the daughter. In fact, all of John’s relationships have blossomed. Friendships, employees, business colleagues, community members… There’s always a new story about how some interaction or another went better than it ever would have or could have before.

I’ve enjoyed helping John take that same process and principle and apply it to all sorts of circumstances and situations. I’ve watched him pivot his focus from what he does not want, and how that is making him feel, to what he does want, and how that is making him feel, and then choosing his actions accordingly.

It’s useful to break this down once more so that you really get the simplicity and power of this process.

The first step is to decide how you want to feel. Get clarity on this. How you feel matters a lot because it determines your quality of life experience. Next, practice activating thoughts and perspectives, memories, imagination, and beliefs, that align with and support how you want to feel. Then, once you are embodying that state in a stable and enjoyable way, take the action that feels good. Do the thing. Make the phone call. Enter the meeting. Write the email. Ask for the raise. Ask for the date. Make the offer. Go to the party or event.

When you take action from a state of clarity, enjoyment, and well-being, you create more of the same. The inner preparation and fine-tuning that you do with your thoughts and feelings sets the course for your behavior and outer action, and when you act from a place of well-being your actions reflect this and tend to create more of the same. A wonderful kind of biofeedback loop is created, and it grows as you feed it with your appreciation.

[Note – The name in this story has been changed for privacy and the baby photo is a stock photo.]

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Interested in coaching to help you thrive at your leading edge?
Email justice@justiceschanfarber.com to request a client info package. Please include your country of residence. Distance sessions worldwide.
Learn more: www.JusticeSchanfarber.com

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